How to Help Your Child or Teen Make Friends This School Year

The first weeks of school can feel like a social reset button. For some kids, that is exciting. For others, it means scanning the cafeteria for a place to sit, wondering who will talk to them, or worrying that everyone else already has a group.

Parents can make it easier for their child or teen to connect, practice, and recover from awkward moments. The goal is not instant popularity. The goal is helping them build one or two real connections that make school feel safer and more welcoming.

Start with what friendship looks like for your child

Some children and teens want a big friend group. Others feel happy with one close friend, a lunch buddy, or someone to sit with on the bus. Before offering advice, ask what they actually want.

Try questions like:

• “Who did you enjoy talking to today?”

• “Is there anyone you would like to know better?”

• “When do you feel most alone during the school day?”

• “What kind of friend feels good to be around?”

  
  

These questions help you avoid pushing a social style that does not fit your child. A quiet child may not need to “put themselves out there” in a big way. A teen who moved to a new school may simply need help finding entry points, not a lecture about confidence or lesson about social skills.

Also pay attention to patterns. If your child or teen says everything is “fine” with their friendships but seems tense every Sunday night, ask gently about lunch, group work, recess, clubs, or the bus. Those are often the places where friendship stress shows up first.

Make the first move feel smaller

Many kids know what they want, but not how to begin. “Just say hi” sounds simple to adults, but it can feel huge to a child or teen who fears rejection or experiences difficulty in social situations.

Give them low-pressure scripts they can make their own:

• "How was your summer?"

• “Have you had this teacher before?”

• "Do you play any sports/musical instruments/video games?"

• "What class do you have next?"

• “Are you going to the game on Friday?"

• "What did you think of that assignment/test?"

• “I like your keychain/phone case. Where did you get it?”

  
  

For younger children, practice can also help. Role-play for two minutes in the car or at the kitchen table. Keep it light, not like a test.

For teens, avoid making it feel babyish. You might say, “Sometimes it helps to have a couple of lines ready so you don't have to think of something on the spot.” Then let them choose what sounds natural.

The best starters are tied to the setting. A shared class, a school event, a club, a book, a sport, or a project gives kids something to talk about without the pressure of being entertaining.

Build friendship into the weekly routine

Friendships grow through repeated contact. Kids do not need a packed calendar, but they do need chances to see the same peers more than once.

Look for activities that match your child’s interests and energy level:

• Art club, choir, band, theater, or student council

• Robotics, coding, or gaming opportunities

• Sports, martial arts, dance, or running clubs

• Library programs or school volunteer groups

• Faith communities, cultural groups, or neighborhood events

• After-school care or homework clubs

  
  

For children and teenagers who feel anxious socially, structured activities often work better than open-ended hangouts. Having a specific task takes the pressure off conversation and increases the likelihood of finding shared interests.

If your child is a teenager, give them some control to lower resistance. Instead of saying, “You need to join something,” try, “Would you rather try one club for two weeks or invite someone to do something outside school?” Choice lowers resistance.

Friendship does not require expensive activities. If transportation, cost, or scheduling are barriers, keep it simple. A short walk with a classmate, a library meet-up, or cheering at a school game are all excellent, cost-effective options for fostering friendships.

Your support and steady message can be simple: friendship grows with practice, patience, and the right people. This school year, help your child look for kind classmates, try small openings, and keep showing up. One good connection can change how the whole year feels.

Here’s to a year filled with growth, learning, and lots of positive experiences! 💚